Never Wake Up With Vocaloids
by Persona 5 The Author
Summary: Well... this crack fic I just finished explains why you should never wake up in the morning with Vocaloids... Rated M for language and implied sex multiple times... MY FIRST M FIC I FINALLY DID IT! Hope you enjoy!


It was a splendid day in the Vocaloid manor. But that was only because it was 5:00 in the morning, and nobody had gotten up yet to annoy the living shit out of each other. Well, let me rephrase that, Gakupo was awake to watch the sunrise and do some samurai shit.

But let's face it; no one cares about that gay-ass man. (XD Just kidding. In real life lots of peeps love him including me!)

Shortly after Gakupo finished doing his samurai shit he strode into the kitchen to promptly grab a gallon of milk from the refrigerator. He then proceeded to down the entire jug into his mouth hole in a sheer 10.9 seconds. After completing the badass task he breathed a sigh of relief and plopped his ass down on the couch.

It wasn't much time after before Meiko came barreling through the living room doorway only covering herself with 2 small paper towels. Gumi was also at her side at all times with a small metal pail.

"GAKUPOHEY!WHERETHEFUCKISMYSHAMPOO?MEIKOGOTSTOWASH HERHOTBODY!" slurred Meiko as she stumbled around the living room occasionally shouting "BUCKET BITCH!" In which Gumi would bring the bucket to her face so she could throw up. But Gakupo knew what the fuck was going on. Meiko was DRUNK. (DUN DUN DUN!)

"How the hell should I know where your damn shampoo is? Just go look in the closet or something…" said Gakupo as he looked around desperate to find something to distract himself from the half naked woman in front of him. He finally settled on a porno magazine that lay on the coffee table.

It honestly escaped his mind of why Kaito would have these things just lying around to have random people just pick them up and read them. But, it was Kaito- and Kaito was so badass that he could proceed to do whatever the fuck he wanted.

"OH WELL THANKS A LOT FUCKER! I'LL JUST LOOK FOR THE DAMN SHAMPOO MYSELF! COME GUMI! MEIKO OUT!" screamed Meiko as she stumbled out of the living room with Gumi scampering after her like a rabid tree lemur chasing after a runaway coconut. Yes, my similes are fucked up this fine day.

And then Gakupo was alone again, just sitting peacefully and reading one of Kaito's many porn magazines. Man that picture of Luka Megurine was hot, just looking at her gave him a major erection. Because Gakupo was a man, and men got erections. AND THEN WHAT DO YOU KNOW RIN AND LEN JUST RANDOMLY WALK IN.

"Hey Gakup- oh why the fuck are you reading porn, AND GETTING TURNED ON BY IT?" asked Len as Gakupo's lump in his pants was simultaneously growing. Gakupo, with an embarrassed look on his face as he tried to cover up the LUMP. But that action was to no avail as Len Kagamine had a sharpest shota eyes in all of Vocaloid.

"Huh? What?" yawned Rin as she shuffled into the living room after making a quick trip to the bathroom, which in RIN-TIME TM was approximately 30 minutes-AN ENTIRE HOUR. Oh yes, and Rin wasn't that much of a morning person which is why she's casually yawning…

"Len, did I ever tell you what a hot piece of ass your sister is?" asked Gakupo sexily as he made a grab for Rin's ass. The hand landed its destination and Rin squealed receiving the most unpleasant wake up call she ever received in her entire life. Len protectively put his hand on Rin's ass causing her to squeal again.

"Listen you horny, retarded, fucking pedophile. Only I can touch my sister's ass like that, so if you need someone to fuck, don't touch Rin, touch me instead! FUCK ME! PLEASE FUCK ME!" screamed Len totally unaware that the majority of the other Vocaloids were still asleep. Gakupo seemed to like this offer, and promptly picked up Len who gasped. They made their way to Gakupo's room and shut the door behind them. Rin heard a lock click and the sound of bedsprings, and the rest is history. So, with nothing else to do, Rin sat her violated ass on the couch where Gakupo had once sat.

While Rin was just sitting waiting for Len and Gakupo to come back, and idea popped into her head. She was fucking hungry, so she was going to get a fucking orange-flavored bagel. And so, Rin walked to kitchen to get her fucking bagel.

When her bagel was all toasted and ready to be consumed, a police car or police scooter rolled into the kitchen to stop Rin dead in her tracks. It was Miku, wearing a police uniform and a fake mustache leading Rin to think that it was just another one of Miku's fucked up man-cosplays.

"Ma'am I'm going to have to see your I.D. for carrying that bagel." Said Miku assertively as she motioned her hand. Rin was just so sick of Miku's shit.

"Miku, what the hell are you talking about? You don't need fucking I.D. to carry around a damn bagel. It's too early in the morning for this, NOW LET ME EAT MY FUCKING BEAUTIFUL ORANGE- FLAVORED BAGEL!" finished Rin as she stomped away. Miku put Rin in a headlock causing her to scream in pain.

"I said I must see your bagel-carrying I.D. for you to CARRY THAT BAGEL. NOW SHOW ME YOUR DAMN I.D. FOR THE FUCKING BAGEL POLICE BITCH!" screamed Miku as she set her headlock into "death-grip" mode making Rin choke in defeat.

"HELP ME!" called out Rin to anyone who could hear her. Sadly, the only thing audible that she COULD hear was the soft, subtle sounds- screw that the LOUD, HEAVY sounds of SEX.

"This is what you get for disrespecting the Bagel Police BITCH!" said Miku as she tightened her grip on Rin's head. All hope was last, until Kaito barged into the kitchen wearing his Cantarella outfit.

"HAVE NO FEAR YOUNG MAIDEN! I HAVE COME TO SAVE YOU FROM THIS MUSTACHIOED FUCKER!" screamed Kaito as he swirled around his cape, performed some theatrical pelvic thrusts. Miku let go of Rin to clap, because hose singular pelvis thrusts were fucking awesome. This gave Rin the opportunity to slither back to the couch to enjoy the well- anticipated showdown of the retards.

"Wait, how could you hear my cry for help? I though Master sent you to go get some groceries or some shit…" said Rin as Kaito's cape hit Miku in the face several times, thus defeating her as she ran to her scooter to ride away, but not before giving our sexy hero the middle finger. Kaito just laughed it off, and then turned to answer Rin's question.

"WHEN I WAS AT THE GROCERY STORE, I COULD HEAR CRIES FOR HELP! I CAN HEAR THE CRY OF A VIRGIN FROM MILES AWAY!" exclaimed Kaito. Rin just face palmed.

"Are you sure that those 'cries' you were hearing wasn't just Len having sex with Gakupo? He's kind of considered a virgin, or was rather…" said Rin. A look of confusion spread across Kaito's face.

"Ah, those might have been Len's cries, BUT WHATEVER! I SAVED YOU ANYWAY DIDN'T I?" asked Kaito as he burst out laughing and ran outside frantically waving his arms around. She really hoped that he would just get run over by a car and die already…

Len and Gakupo walked back to the couch shortly after, Gakupo with a satisfied look on his face, and Len was always clinging to the other man's side. Rin didn't really care; she was just cramming her face with orange-flavored bagel. "Hey Len do you want to go to the mall with me?" asked Rin after she finished her fucking delicious bagel.

"Oh, I'm sorry Rin, but Len belongs to me now, and only I can choose where he goes…" said Gakupo as he wrapped his arm around Len who shuddered and embraced his side tighter.

"Master, as much as I would hate to leave your side, I would love to buy a new dress for you to violate me in!" exclaimed Len as he nudged his head into the older man's stomach.

"All right, alright… but only for the sexy dress okay?" asked Gakupo as he kissed Len on the cheek.

"Yes Master!" said Len who detached himself Gakupo to run out the door and into the open road. Rin looked at Gakupo in disgust. "What did you do to my brother, you bastard?"

"What did you do to my brother, you bastard?" asked Rin as she followed him out the door. That left Gakupo alone again, except without the porno. AND THEN LUKA MEGURINE WALKS IN… BITCH!

"Gakupo, have you seen Kaito's porn magazines lately? I need them like… right now." Exclaimed Luka nervously as she began to upturn tables and break expensive items on the ground. Gakupo made a second smirk that day because he knew what the fuck was going on. AGAIN.

"Luka-chan are you looking for these?" he asked waving around the porno in the air. Luka gasped and clawed at the magazines.

"WHERE THE FUCK DID YOU GET THOSE?!" Luka asked angrily. She eventually ended up straddling Gakupo's lap to pry them out of his hand. The good thing was she trained to be a porn star, and she knew how to get what she wanted. Luka lowered her eyes seductively and grinded against Gakupo's man parts. Gakupo could feel the LUMP making an appearance in his pants again.

"Baby, can you please give me the magazines back?" She batted her eyelashes in a cute manor. "If you be a good boy, I'll give Mr. Eggplant down there a nice surprise…" Luka rubbed her hand on Gakupo's pants roughly. Oh. Shit. The LUMP was getting bigger.

"O-okay here…" Gakupo handed her the magazines immediately.

"Thanks Gakupo!" Luka happily smiled and got off of him. She then skipped away and out of sight. Gakupo sighed and just sat there. Mr. Eggplant never got his surprise.

* * *

_**Well thanks for reading this fanfiction! With a little bit more... crack than I USUALLY write with yes. RATE AND REVIEW PLEASE!**_

_**-Persona 5 The Author**_


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